The 10 best and worst... Christmas/holiday songs!

So it's barely Thanksgiving and two weeks ago, an area radio station made its annual format switch to all Christmas Music. Some of it is great, some of it makes me want to change the channel, and a lot of it makes me want to vomit. Here is the best and the worst of it all. Sorry about the prevalence of funny/novelty songs, but I like a good laugh.

The Best

10. Novelty versions of "The Twelve Days of Christmas": There are many parodies of this song, and most of them are funny. First, we have John Denver & the Muppets with their version (Five... Goooold.... Riiings.... Ba dum dum dum...). Next we have Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck 12 days of Christmas (You might be a redneck if the nutcracker sounds like something you did off of a high dive!) There is also the take on this song by the McKenzie Brothers, two beer-swilling Canadians from Strange Brew. "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... beer." Or I am sure you have heard "Twelve Pains of Christmas" by Bob Rivers and Comedy Corp, which shows the more painful side of Christmas. I especially like the guy who tries to rig up the Christmas lights... "Now why the hell are they blinking?" However, the best of these has to be Straight No Chaser, an a capella group from Indiana University (supposedly the original group, now IU alums, still performs together and puts on a great show). This popular viral video from 1998 shows the group's hilarious and ingenious take on the song, which, at one point, breaks out into Toto's "Africa." If you don't laugh at this, you probably have no sense of humor.

9. "The Christmas Song (Baby Please Come Home)" by U2: I am normally not a U2 fan (although my wife is), but this is better than their usual fare, probably because they didn't write it. Bono's voice is a good fit with this song.

8. "Winter Wonderland" by the Eurythmics: A good modern spin on a classic Christmas carol, and, a far as I am concerned, Annie Lennox could sing the phone book and it would sound good.

7. "Christmas in Hollis" by Run D.M.C.: A great old-school rap about Christmas in the city. In the video, Santas sleigh with the Cadillac emblem is a nice touch. This song was immortalized in Die Hard. "This is Christmas music!" R.I.P., Jam Master Jay.

6. Happy Christmas (War is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono: Radio stations play this one to death, but this is a poignant and well-written song, and the antiwar message the song conveys is timeless. This 40-year old song has aged awfully well.

5. "Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You" by Billy Squier: Don't laugh! I always enjoy listening to this awseomely cheesy and catchy Christmas rock anthem.

4. "The Nutcracker Suite" by the Brian Setzer Orchestra: I wouldn't call myself a big fan of this contemporary big band, because the band's arrangements are usually so simplistic, you can't tell it's a 21-piece band, and it seems like, frankly, a waste of musicians. Secondly, Setzer himself seems to hog all the solos. Don't get me wrong, Setzer is one of the better guitar players out there, but if there are so many other musicians in your band, let them play. Anyway, this is one of the best BSO tunes because the arrangement actually makes good use of all the band members. Also, the arrangement is jazzy but respectful to Tchaikovsky's original. At about 7 minutes it is neither too short nor too long. And Setzer only hogs a few of the solos.

3. "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" By Bing Crosby and David Bowie: An interesting combination of old and new that is very touching and well-performed. David Bowie's counterpoint to Bing Crosby's deeper voice works perfectly here.

2. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band: Literally dozens of artists have covered this familiar tune, but this is the best. This hard driving rock version of the song has the distinctive sound of the E Street Band, and is a blast to listen to. The highlight of the song is when the late, great Clarence Clemons (one of the three most important people in the world) starts to Ho, ho, ho, and the Boss starts cracking up while he's singing.

1. "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band Aid: This was a supergroup of a lot of great musicians from across the pond, and was formed to raise money for starving families in Ethiopia. Keep in mind that this was released months before "We Are the World," which did the same thing Stateside, but with American musicians and a dumb song. This tune, on the other hand, is beautifully written and well-performed, and it sends a poignant message to keep in mind that there are people in the world that are suffering and starving while we eat, drink and be merry.

Now for the fun part... The 10 worst!

10. Old timey holiday songs: YAWN! The stations playing holiday-themed music around the clock don't seem to be in touch with the times and are playing way too much obsolete, outdated music from squares like Perry Como, Gene Autry and Johnny Mathis. Most fans of these crooners are dead, and it's time to play more contemporary arrangements and songs on the radio. I'm not saying all old music is bad... Deano's version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" isn't bad, and I like Elvis' "Blue Christmas."

9. "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney: John Lennon made a great Christmas song, but it's a swing and a miss for his ex-Beatles bandmate. The silly lyrics and outdated synthesizer leave me scratching my head as to why this song still gets so much radio airplay.

8. "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses: It's boring. It's repetitive. It's sung poorly. The lyrics, about a girl who is lacking in Christmas spirit until she meets the man of her dreams, are inane. Need I say more?

7. "Christmastime" by the Smashing Pumpkins: I don't know what's worse here- the nervewracking melody or Billy Corgan's whiny voice.

6. "Last Christmas" by Wham!: I usually don't mind George Michael. I think "Faith" is a great song, and even "Wake Me Up Before you Go-Go" is catchy in its own way. This synthesized nightmare, however, is poorly written and the lyrics are hilariously awful. It's still not as bad as the "Wham Rap."

5. "Christmas Conga" by Cyndi Lauper: Seriously? Truly the worst of the '80s.

4. Any Christmas carol sung by barking dogs or meowing cats. Whose idea was this, anyway?

3. Anything by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra: Someone came up with the horrible idea of combining heavy metal with Christmas carols, and voila! You have a musical abortion called the TSO. Walter Murphy tried a similar approach with disco and classical in the 1970s with the abominable "A Fifth of Beethoven," and that didn't work either. (However, Murphy has redeemed himself by writing the score for "Family Guy.") Nevertheless, gullible people still buy the TSO's albums, and their concerts still sell out. Many people say they like the pyrotechnics, which, as far as I am concerned, is a way to divert attention from the sheer awfulness of the actual music. Can it get any worse than this? Yes, as a matter of fact, it can.

2. Anything by Mannheim Steamroller: Here's an even better idea: Let's take Christmas music, and make it into boring, pretentious, self-indulgent New Agey dreck! This group's albums also sell, probably because people need a cure for insomnia. Can it get even worse than this? You bet!

1. Any Christmas song by Kenny G: (no links posted deliberately! no one should be subjected to this!) The world's most annoying, overplayed and overpaid musician ruined real jazz for everyone by helping to create the "soft jazz" genre. Pat Metheny, who I am not a particular fan of, hit the nail on the head when he called Mr. G.'s music "dumbed down and f---ed up." When he unleashed his musical butcher knife on Christmas classics, the result is as horrible as you would expect.